A couple of years ago, I wanted to make a change with my look. I had just had my first baby and I wanted something new and fresh. I wanted dark hair with a touch of green...I had found the picture and everything, but I chickened out and didn't do it. Instead, I went for something more safe and familiar...something a bit more accepted for a mother of 6 and a working professional & creative...a honey blond....and it was cute (shouts out to Tinea Porter of PRMP Beauty Studio)..but it wasn't what I wanted in my heart. I settled. There were loud thoughts in my head that stopped me from getting that hairstyle. Thoughts like, are you having a midlife crisis...that's what people are going to think....you're trying to be young...all these thoughts...
The idea of what other people would think, won.
FAST FORWARD 2016...
It's November 2016. Almost 2 years later and my wedding anniversary is coming up. I want change. The image of dark hair, with a little bit of green pops up again. Along with that image are those thoughts....you know you're a therapist right. Who's going to feel comfortable going to a therapist with bits of green in their hair? I was nervous. Should I, shouldn't I? Will I be taken seriously. I had a moment, and then I came to myself and said, " It's just hair." Hair doesn't define me (in the words of India Irie, "I'm not my hair"). Hair adds to who I am; it doesn't control who I am. People can and will make decisions based on my appearance. The reality is, I can't control what people think of me and at the end of the day people are going to decide what to make of you no matter what you do or don't do, rather your hair is straight, kinky, purple, etc. More importantly, I realized that no matter if you declare yourself to be a person that fully accepts and enjoys their peculiarities (i.e. a beautiful weirdo), it is a constant battle to accept who you are. The world is constantly trying to tell you who to be, what people in certain professions look like, sound like, what "being black, hispanic, white" sound or look like, etc and sometimes we subconsciously apply these rules to our lives. So instead of settling, I was nervous and did it anyway (shouts out to TaShawn Williams, my dedicated weave whisperer). I raged against those thoughts, with one question?! Who made these rules?! I'm a therapist with bits of green in my hair, making my own rules, living my truth and continually shedding the truth of others and this society. I won this fight, but in the journey of acceptance, I'm sure there's more to come. Would love to hear your thoughts on this? What ideas are trying to attach themselves to you and how do you shed them?
Beautiful Weirdo Nugget: Nervousness is okay. Be nervous and do it anyway.
Be Beautiful, Be Weird, Be you....
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Smith (Wednesday, 16 November 2016 09:05)
I love this! I dyed my locs for the first time and I was very nervous. Now I'm SCARED because I want to shave a portion of my head and that is not ME. ..but it is the NEW me. This post really helped me. Thanks!
Brenda S.. (Thursday, 26 January 2017 16:04)
I enjoyed reading your changes. I was always told that, you are loud and speak your mine. My come back was, I came from a large family and you had to speak loud to be heard. My come back for speaking my mine was, I am telling the truth and saying what you want or should been saying. Since I retired, now they are asking me to come back. Thank you